I’m a news junkie, wanting to be informed at every second of the day. I also have anxiety. These two are a bad combination nowadays.
Anxiety, depression and stress have been affecting me more than ever with the times that we are in. I have been limiting the news coverage and have been trying to limit my social media exposure so that I don’t succumb to a potential panic attack. Who knows? I may have already had a panic attack within the last two weeks and didn’t realize it. My body is sore, I’m tired and I’ve been getting headaches. I take my temperature numerous times throughout the day to make sure that these are not symptoms of COVID-19.
It is hard to stay in the right mindset not knowing if the world will go back to normal tomorrow or six months from now. I have been trying to be a good mother to my boys, but I feel like I’m losing my patience now more than ever since they were born. I’m trying to relax while also trying to keep my kids occupied and it makes me feel selfish. I’m not clear and present with them like I should be and I feel like a bad parent (it also doesn’t help when you’re normally hard on yourself and now it’s amplified). It’s hard when you feel like you are paranoid that you could have caught the Coronavirus going to the grocery store, WalMart, etc. a couple of weeks ago, the fact that millions of people will either lost their jobs or businesses because of this disease, and the ire I feel that one city in China caused a pandemic because of a dietary choice.
I’ve been trying to find outlets to relax to get my mind right. I’ve been either reading or watching something other than the news. Family Guy has been helping me to laugh. I also found old episodes of America’s Next Top Model to binge that are free with a Prime Membership on Prime Video to turn my brain off (I used to watch it in high school and stopped once I got to college; figured now is a time I could pick it back up). I have tried walking and this helps only so much.
The Governor of PA has put a stay-at-home order in place for my county (and others) except for going to the grocery store, picking up medication, caring for a loved one, etc. for the next two weeks. Taking away the freedoms that we all take for granted to walk out the door and go to the store, give someone a hug, go to work, etc. were put into place quickly and fiercely. I understand that this is for the greater good of the population so that we can stop the spread of this disease. Trust me, I wouldn’t want to get loved ones extremely ill if I was a carrier of this or even had it. However, with the advent of more tests and testing sites, this will mean more positive cases. There must be a happy medium between fully restricting our lives and letting everything open by Easter. Opening all businesses and going back to normal by that time is unheard of but being stuck in the house for this long is unheard of too.
I’ve been trying to work on my gratitude during this time. I have my health and my family right now and there are people that are in situations much worse (those that are sick in the hospital with this virus, those that can’t pay their bills because they’ve been laid off and the unemployment office is backed up). I think it’s a step in the right direction to easing my anxiety. I will work on doing blog posts here and there until the smoke clears with the restrictions brought on by the Coronavirus, but I need to avoid the news so that I don’t go completely crazy. I will still do reviews on the episodes of The Masked Singer.
I hear that it’s okay to not be okay during this time. It’s true. I’m not okay. Is it though?